Further up and Further in

I have a theory about the popular figures in music and film here in India. Especially in Tamil Nadu, since most of my experience in India has been here. See, all of the male music and film stars, almost without exception, are very unattractive. Which is unusual compared to most of the rest of the world, I believe. This is what I think has happened: since there are many beautiful women here, the men would like their wives (or future wives) to be thinking that they are pretty hot, because most of them are in comparison to the stars I see in films and plastered on billboards. It keeps the women satisfied and not expecting much. Take this guy for example. He's apparently a beloved and attractive musician around these parts.

A big problem--and I believe this is really what it's all about--is the mustache. I just can't believe they like it. And they do...the minute young men here can grow a mustache, they do. But why, I ask, why? Why? At the present time, the number of attractive sorts of men I have seen here numbers somewhere around 10. Or possibly less. The count (not that I'm actually counting--I just want it to be understood that the attractive ones are extremely few and far between) would be much higher if most men didn't have those little slugs growing above the upper lip. Ew. (Disclaimer: any offensive remark I make about molestaches is not in any way directed against members of an older generation and especially any member of my immediate family).

Finally, after 10 months of wondering what business these men, in this day and age, and in the prime of their lives, have growing mustaches, I decided to do a little investigating. Don't try to tell me it's because mustaches look nice. That's simply not true. The only man I can think of who ever looked good with a mustache (besides my father, of course) is Tom Selleck. I believe that to be indisputable. However, there seem to be some Tamil sayings about 'staches, like "A man's glory is his mustache" and so on. And there's one region in particular that takes great pride in growing their mustaches, and growing them well, up in Rajasthan. Here's what I found:

Telugu proverb (translated): You cannot ask someone to smell your mustache to find out what your grandfather had eaten.
Thiruvalluvar (2nd century AD Tamil poet): Blessed is the man sporting a mustache, for it is only he that will be lavished with Dosais.
Telugu proverb: No food to eat, but aroma oils for mustache.
Kannada saying: It didn't bother him that he fell as his mustache didn't get soiled.
Local saying: Some mustache is better than no mustache.

And then I found this, a BBC news report from 2004 about police officers receiving incentives for growing mustaches ( I refuse to use the British standard spelling of moustache, by the way, because it looks too much like 'mouse' and then I think of a mouse's tail above the upper lip). The best part is the quote from the district police chief about what a mustache does for ya: "Moustaches are improving the personalities of our constables. They are acquiring an aura of their own. They are creating a positive impression on the local people and getting a lot of respect."

Is what he says true? Do people look at mustachioed men, as he says, "very respectfully and pleasantly?" What about those who can't grow mustaches? Don't we deserve respect? This subject is by no means closed. I may have a number of future rantings and ravings on mustaches. Not that this wasn't long enough. But it could be possibly discussed for days on end. I hereby propose the Stache as the first topic for discussion at the fabulous curry function which shall be held in August in Utah. Date, time, and location TBA.

Other names for the mustache: stache, tache, tash, mo, soup strainer, flavor saver, cookie duster, molestache

Oh my holy cow! They think mustaches are the bomb? That is SICK. I mean, my dad has almost ALWAYS had a mustache. But, I don't particularly think they're attractive. I've never kissed a man with a mustache, and I don't know if I ever could in the future. I'm not sure how my mom does it......

I think you're just put out because Handsome decided to grow his back. C'mon, admit it...

I can't believe you'd post a picture of my boyfriend for all to ogle over. Now I'm feeling jealous possessiveness. HA!

Ah reckon that you wasn't gonna do nothin' 'bout chasin' your former boyfriend, an' so Ah'm exposing his beauty to all the world. Let the jealousy rage.

I found out an accusation slung around these parts when men are being cowardly...it's about the mustache as the source of courage, moral fiber, or something like that. Observe: "If you were really a man with a mustache, you'd..." I guess cowardly men have fake mustaches :)

I think the correct word to use in reference to Handsome growing his mustache back is 'disappointed'. And that's the end of that.

four days til you come home! Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!